Flying — Forever.

For some reason – it seems I have taken a brief, unintended vacation from this blog. I am sorry to those of you who have been checking in to see what is happening in our lives … with my Dad, the goats, Isaac’s baseball, etc. I can tell you that all is well. Dad is back to work – with the help of my husband who will be driving the catering truck for him until he is able to do so on his own. The goats are just so much fun – and I hope to write more about them tomorrow – with more sweet pics. As for Isaac’s baseball, I have taken to assisting the coach (for various reasons) and we are all having a great time — though I feel fairly certain that this is not Isaac’s game.

Anyway – I have got to tell you about this incredible dream I had last night. Maybe I feel the need to tell it so that I can remember it later — to savor it and try to relive it — or maybe it is because I see the relevance of it to my life and maybe yours as well. Lately, I have been having these incredibly intense dreams. So intense that I can hear them, smell them, and feel every touch within them. It has been both wonderful and horrible. Some dreams have had me running for my life, where my heart beat is so intense and sweat is dripping off my forehead — both in my dream and once I awake from it. But last night — oh, last night’s dream is my favorite. Maybe my favorite of all time. I used to have these dreams as a child. But not since. And this one felt so good that I wouldn’t mind living in it forever (except that I might miss a few loved ones). This dream did however take a turn for the worse in the end — but I’d still live in it — as I know that the ending is truly up to me and could easily be changed so that it remained *magical*.

Last night, I was flying. My arms were my wings. And I flew everywhere … from over the brilliant lush woods of Northern Maine … to over the bustling cafes of Paris, France. I flew everywhere my heart desired … and I looked down upon some of the most glorious scenes. It felt heavenly. I could feel the rush of the wind in my hair .. I could smell the most wonderful smells waft up from wherever I was flying over … and my arms and legs felt as free as they do while swimming in water. And perhaps that is the greatest feeling I felt while dreaming — freedom. Total and absolute freedom. I was flying … without wings … and flying to wherever I felt a desire to be — or to see.

I used to have this dream often in my childhood. Of course, my knowledge of geography was simple … so I basically flew over my house and neighborhood. But it still felt so good. However, unlike my childhood dreams, last night’s dream took a turn for the worse …

Everywhere I flew people pointed up to me in awe — in awe that a person could fly. Some waved, some smiled, some stood there with their jaws open wide in disbelief. But some were angry. Angry that I was flying and they were not. That is how the trouble began. Some people called their local authorities and complained about this flying woman. The authorities agreed with them that this flying woman needed to stop… for the good of all who could not fly. She needed to be captured. It wasn’t right for me to have an ability that they did not. It wasn’t right that I could fly everywhere — as I might be act as a spy, etc. So, they pursued me … in every town and every country. And because I needed to come down to land every so often in order to regain the energy I needed to fly … I found myself having to run from people who were looking to capture me … to confine me.

In the end, while running through some grass fields … dogs and armed men at my heels … I found a farmer who was willing to take me in without reporting me to the authorities. He lived in a run-down old house in desperate need of repair…. with a nearby barn also in bad shape. He would keep me safe in exchange for my working in his home and acting as his wife. The rules were that in exchange for his silence, I could no longer fly. And though this pained me so much, I agreed. I thought that at least — with this arrangement — I might have a later chance of flying again. But if I were captured, there would be no chance I would ever fly again. So, our deal was struck … and I discontinued my flying. It was shortly after that – that I woke up. But I didn’t wake up sad. In fact, I awoke with an ear to ear smile on my face. All in all – the dream was delicious. Had I found a way to escape the jealous mobs — without seeking safety that would only entrap me — I could have flown for the rest of my life.

And believe me, the metaphors inherent in this dream do not escape me for a moment. I see the connection that this dream has to my life right now. That is part of the beauty of it all. I see the connection and can thus make the needed changes in my life that will allow me to soar again. Dreams are so much more than fantasy … they are most certainly windows into our subconscious. When our dreams receive the attention they deserve, they can tell us so much about what we need. Apparently — I need to fly — to soar — without a safety net — and without worry of what others are thinking or feeling. I will. Both in my dreams and in life itself.

I hope you will too. I promise not to stop you. I will wave and smile as you soar by … knowing that we all can fly if we allow ourselves … and one another.


Jodi Renshaw

About Jodi Renshaw

Jodi is a homeschooling Mom, a photographer, a wife, and a proud resident of the city of Bangor. She spends part of her time working at a locally-owned shop in the downtown area, part of her time homeschooling her favorite young man, and most of her time behind a camera lens. She often writes about adoption, family life, homeschooling, and community.